I have accepted that it is my lot in life to work with idiots.
I have also accepted that the abovementioned idiots aren’t always going to get things right.
I have further accepted that certain of their more spectacular fuck-ups are going to translate into extra work for me.
However, I am rather less inclined to accept that I should keep my displeasure to myself when this happens – especially when the idiot in question is a repeat offender who spends more time whining to the boss about how mean I am to him than on making sure the damned design is correct in the first place.
I’m a little stressed. Can you tell?
the other side of the mountain 
in 48 days i predict a precipitous drop in your stress level…
unless, of course, you slap the offending idiot with a board and put him out of your misery before you once again are posessed by a demon…
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hit him with a board! hit him with a board! hit him with a board! hit him with a board!
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daisy & bete: Now where did I leave my two by four? Could’ve sworn I left it under my desk.
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Ten thousand fuckering fucktoids. Deep breaths…
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rustum: Good advice. I’d better catch my breath before I hit him with a board.
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Is it just me or has there been a sudden increase of idiocy everywhere. I mean, idiots have been around, certainly, lots of them, but there seems to be a new wave of idiocy, and it’s reached critical mass and soon there will be nothing but idiots left. Wonder whether Darwin gave that a thought: why are there generally more idiots than non-idiots?
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I think it’s a restatement of the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: the number of idiots always increases, no matter how many times you hit them with a board.
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What about a piece of angle iron?
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I have a friend who has a t-shirt that says ‘I don’t speak Idiot’. While trite, I will ask him if I can borrow it for you. Then hopefully they’ll all leave you alone 🙂
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peas: Does your friend have one that says, “Go away or I’ll hit you with a board”?
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I’ve got a badge that says “Please evolve before you speak to me”. Care to borrow it? 🙂
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P: Is it big? Will it produce the same satisfying thunk as a two-by-four?
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I think it’s time for you to start taking drugs.
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betenoir: You mean like steroids, to augment my board-wielding abilities?
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uh…sure.
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Dolce better get back home soon – I think you’ll crack under the weight of those heavy balls
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nursemyra: She’s going to be gone for a long time still, so I’m working on my DIY skills – including, but not restricted to, hitting people with boards.
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Oh man I feel for you! That has been my life for a couple of years…. the only thing I can suggest is either that you learn to speak “idiot” whenever going to “coach” in order to obtain the right things done.. or that you find yourself another role.
Since I did (the latter) my work life is so much better I feel on holiday all the time!!!!
J
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jolly: Actions generally speak louder than words to idiots of this calibre, so it looks like I’m going to have to use a two-by-four as a discussion aid. Incidentally, have you read Holidays in Hell by P.J. O’Rourke?
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Oooh…sounds like he’s on the fast track to management.
You should encourage his promotion…get him to a place where he can do less damage…find him a string of meetings to attend.
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revo: Oh, he’s definitely management material. In my organisation, kissing the right arse is far more important than technical competence.
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Einstein came up with a definition of stupid which was “somebody repeatedly doing the same thing with the expectation of a different outcome”. It seems you have living proof of this theory.
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grandfuskerrati: I’ve known for some time that I fall foul of Einstein’s insanity definition. I keep hoping against hope that this guy will eventually learn something, but he never does. I think it’s time to break the cycle and hit him with a board.
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Idiots to the left, Town Planner to the right – stuck in the middle with you.
Pleeeheeheeheeeheees.
PS: never ever argue with an idiot(and other useless fucking bastards) as they will only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. someone clever and famous said that. or you can just beat him with a board, Jerry.
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anicker: That’s why I don’t argue. I just call him nasty names. I’m going to look for my board now.
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There is ample evidence that more heart atacks are triggered by idiot-induced stress than any other kind. So please, hit him with a board. I’m rather fond of your ticker the way it is!
P.S. CFC? I see another decal coming on! One about the contributionn of CFCs to global warming…all that hot air.
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dolce: I was actually going for an aneurism; heart attacks are so gauche. Still, that won’t stop me from hitting him with a board.
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Might as well have some fun with the idiot.
Start with a series of “You’re looking a little pale today” themes, followed by moving their staplers, highlighters…
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Oh, and then lastly, hitting them with a board 🙂
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daemoncoder: Worth a try, although I suspect he isn’t bright enough for the psychological warfare approach to work. However, hitting him with a board will have an immediate impact.
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No, but I can whoreganise 🙂
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peas: Excellent. Glad you’re on board with this.
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I don’t recall what industry you’re in but I can assure you that you are not receiving special treatment. No matter where you work, you are bound to be surrounded by idiots. Your only recourse is to work alone. In that case, there’s only one idiot in the room at a time.
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UB40: I know. It’s one of the primary reasons I haven’t gone out on my own. Then I’d have to hit myself with a board.
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Omg!
You’re psychic. this literally happened to me about half an hour ago, except the idiot bad mouthed me!
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aasia: Bummer. The trick is to get in there first. And keep your board within easy reach.
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I’ll send you a rusty nail for your board.
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stephanie: Brilliant. It’s exactly the thing I didn’t realise I was missing until you mentioned it. I hope I have room on the board.
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useless fucking bastard only calls said idiot’s parental lineage into question. But then, hmmmmmm, what would be the most apt descriptor? I was going to suggest “useless fucking cunt” but cunts aren’t always useless are they?
Ah, what the fuck. Use the board. Or, better yet, in light of today’s date, use a fucking shillelagh!
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rob: I find it’s less about the words and more about the intention behind them. A carefully-crafted (and accurate) insult sometimes has no effect if the receiving mind is too empty to appreciate it, whereas a well-delivered “your folks weren’t married” can have the same impact as a board in the face.
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Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
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b: Looks like we’re going to need some better boards.
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Just realised, you are my colleague! Which means either we’re surrounded by idiots, or… HEY!
They are everywhere, that’s why I love reading this…
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scott: Stop typing and start hitting. Here’s your board.
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so. if in your next post i open the comments up with a reference to ‘goat fucking’, you’ll weave that throughout your responses? i feel powerful. please, hit me with a board, or fuck my goat, if i’m mistaken….
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daisy: Kind of kills the sponaneity if I know what to expect, doesn’t it? Still, nothing beats a goat like a two-by-four.
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For some reason the theory that 25% of the population doesn’t realise how abysmally thick the other 75% of the population actually are comforts me in cases like this…plus it means you can refer to Them as “A 75%’er” with impunity…
Just watch out, next step is usually to send you on an “Emotional Intelligence” course, and say things like “Engineers tend to display high functioning autism symptoms, and are frequently undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome sufferers”. Apparently it is NOT appropriate to respond with “There is nothing fucking wrong with me, you are simply an idiot and a tool to boot”. If you do THAT then they send you to counselling, and from there it is a slippery slope to perdition…*sigh*…but at least now I have my own office, and don’t need to share…
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schrödinger’s cat: You know, I’ve always wondered why they gave me my own office. Perhaps if I threaten to hit them with a board, I’ll get an airconditioner.
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That sounds incredibly aggravating. Especially the whining that you’re mean. Shove the board down his throat the next time he opens his mouth.
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robin: But I don’t want to lose my trusty board. Ah, what the hell, I can get more.
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Some people have a hard time with the truth.
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ok here is how to talk to idiots–Board first–right across the head-then talk to the chirping birdies above the head–speak slowly, they understand–one more knock for good luck and let the birds tell the story..
also–2×2’s are better–you can weild one in each hand–just so you successfully get both sides of the ??brain?? (not sure if that’s the correct word) =)~
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ha! i work with idiots too–but mine are students. the questions they ask…i swear to god i’m going to clobber them one day. on the bright side, they keep me laughing…even if i’m laughing AT them and not with ’em.
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Dude, I think your idiot skills are just fine, no change required. Keep up the good work, you make me proud!
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