As cults go, Twitter is relatively benevolent, but I am still astonished by the missionary zeal that infuses people when they discover that I’m not one of the converted.
“B-b-but why?” they ask+, totally unable to comprehend why anyone could possibly not wish to be assimilated into the great collective soul of teh interwebs. This is invariably followed by a pointless and unbelievably tiresome argument about how true salvation can be found in 160 characters or less.
Common reasons advanced for signing up:
1. But even my grandmother does it!
2. Really famous people like Britney are on Twitter!
3. But you have a blog!
4. Just try it and you’ll see!
I particularly like number 3 and 4. It’s as if blogging is the entry drug to the real thing. Kind of like the relationship between Lindor and heroin.
The fact remains that my life generally isn’t all that interesting on a day-to-day basis++. If I’m going to whine about how much I hate my job, I’d rather do it in a three-panel comic format. It comforts me.
Speaking of assimilation, if you haven’t already done so, I would be most grateful if you would please vote for Dolce by clicking on the blinky below:
+ and I think we all know the answer to THAT particular question by now
++ particularly now that Dolce is in London
WTF is a borg award? I mean, I’m cool with voting for them but if a Arnie-in-Terminator look alike turns up at my door and wants to kick my ass because I didn’t vote for him then I am definitely pointing him in the general direction of CT (far, far away) and telling him to go find you… screw duty of care and all that…
(trying to not make geek comments about how cool it would be to date a borg…not.really.succeeding…)
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schrödinger’s cat: I dated one once. It was pretty horrific. I don’t think she enjoyed the experience much either.
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I hate that I’m on Facebook. I hate that I feel the need to check it every hour. One of these days, Alice, one of these days…
Good for you for not giving in to that pressure.
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kiwi: My sympathies. I’m sure there are support groups that can help.
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5 more days I think, then my FB account will be completely deleted. You should try it Kiwi – it puts a spring in one’s step.
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Those new Nike shoes are weird, aren’t they?
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I got a free purple snuggie with my facebook account.
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So not worth it.
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Yeah, but then I would spend far too much time catching up on the trainwreck that is Lindsay Lohan and watching Family Guy repeats… *sigh*
I’ve limited it to nightime use only. I’m not as bad as some… I’d like to think at least.
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I admire your ability to prioritise.
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I tried Twitter for about three weeks last spring and couldn’t stand it.
I won’t even START with Facebook. It’s a popularity contest. I barely survived high school. I already know I’m not popular.
I am happily standing on the pier waving fare-thee-well while the good ships Twitter and Facebook set sail without me.
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TUB: My god! It’s a popularity contest as well??? This just keeps getting better and better.
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finding facebook to be an interesting bubble – as a result, met up with friends from 30 years ago for some finger pulling, drunken debauchery and all that and it was big fun. am also connected to cousins that lived several hundred miles away, and we’re planning a cousins weekend summer.
other than that? it’s my dorky theater friends trying to out-goof each other, and it’s amusing. i don’t take it too seriously, and have fun with it. and don’t post anything REMOTELY close to my actual life…
face it. you’re just a turd in the punchbowl of life. i admire you for sticking to your turdy guns…
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daisy: A turd in the hand… it often squishy from being in the punchbowl.
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PHOEFFFFF
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Hey, we just report the news here, we don’t make it.
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I looked at Twitter, and thought it was retarded. That means the entire world is retarded. I knew it!
I voted! Yay Dolce!
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robin: I’m glad my viewpoint has finally been vidicated by a qualified mental health professional.
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Have no desire to do Twitter–just a bunch of ninnies twattering around w/ no direction in life. Had to join facebook to see a friends pictures and read up about her but hate it and don’t participate in daily activities–which by the way seem to be a plenty–too much flutter and nonsense if you ask me…
AANNDD–I will have you know that I voted for Dolce, Peas and YOU–did you see–you’re there too…figured “why not” if I’m there might as well–Good luck to all of you =)
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hisqueen: Excellent, excellent. I like people who take directions well. Now send me all your money.
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if you can handle our bailout money better than we can I’ll gladly send it….but only if you twitter about what you’re doing with it..
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It’s a deal!
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regarding your other half–could you send a lock of hair–she seems to be on some kind of hair fantasy..first the gorilla now Whitey–Must be missing you and you’re hairy back-(not sure if it’s true but what the heck)
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I find Twitter intriguing. Which might be linked to the fact that i don’t understand Twitter. But if i was on it, chances are (slim but there) that i would understand. Hence not find it intriguing anymore. Why kill the mystique?
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anne: I don’t think there’s actually all that much to understand. It’s essentially IRC writ large, but with better PR.
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I’m attempting twitter- Neen claims it is THE happenin professional tool, but, really, it just makes me feel like a tool.
I pretty much loathe the way people truncate their sentences, and end up sounding like six year olds “Am v happy, yay me its Mon” And I feel like a fraud for doing it.
I’m a recovered fb junkie- been through the full 12 steps. Freedom!
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scott: The only time it’s cool to be a tool is when you’re a TOOL OF SATAN *thunder rumble* Then again, some people claim Twitter is the devil, so maybe it is cool after all.
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Duly voted.
I facebook. Don’t twitter though. Annie is doing an experiment with it. Apparently it can be a good tool for professional networking. Just don’t do a “Cisco fatty”.
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rob: Does it involve test-tubes and electrodes?
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Am totally with you on the Twitter thing. Facebook and status updating takes enough time out of my day, with Twitter I’d be almost 1000% unproductive.
Can’t. Be. Arsed. Don’t. Care. If. Prince. William. Is. On. It.
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peas: He IS??? This changes everything.
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Oh, wait – no, it doesn’t.
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i got sucked in by an editor using no.4 and am now on twitter to rub virtual shoulders with other writers and promote the column. it is awful. so awful that i can not include it on my blog as a feed. i have, like, 3 followers because i couldn’t be arsed (ha ha good one) to update like the overzealous freak that twitter requires to ‘work’ (and you’ll see) only good thing to come of it that i AM actually hooking up with other people in the industry. but that’s been taken over into email. so it’s like twitter is the gate…ah christ. i’m already typing too much about this…
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dorothy: Ja, we only have so much time on earth. Not sure I want to spend it welded to my computer or phone typing brainless pronouncements like “reading latest steven king. hold on, must turn page. ok i’m back”
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Twitter… is what it is.. Whehter you are “arsed about it” or not..
I like knowing stuff.. and even though I don’t really contribute like others who have 2 Gizillion followers or so who hang on their every word.. I read when I see something interesting and get to find out about shit. This help’s since I do not have the TV neveryoumind the bloody DSTV.. So I gets my information where I can 😉
Oh and because I can!
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b: Can’t say I blame you. You should see the garbage they broadcast these days. On second thoughts, it’s better if you don’t.
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I’m still waiting for my opportunity to use your 2 reasons at work. Consequences be damned, I just know it will be completely satisfying…
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quartercenturycrisis: If you need to save time, reason #1 is completely disposable.
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Hey hey
I voted for both you and Dolce, Good luck, I hope you win something you can use, if not at least EAT!!
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aasia: Ta, you’re a peach.
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What, Cayennetology doesn’t have it’s own social network?
You know that recruitiig by standing at an intersection swearing sackcloth and shouting ‘Repent, Repent’ is sooo old-school!
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brother revo: We do!. If you ever read your internal memos you would know that. By the way, if you don’t like sackcloth duty, why did you volunteer, huh?
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Sack cloth duty, I though you said sack duty.
Here I’ve been lying in bed all this time waiting for the new converts to arrive for the baptism..so to speak.
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My bad. I tend to mutter.
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Fuck Twitter. Fuck Facebook.
dolce rules
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nursemyra: Are those like Aussie rules?
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Twitter? Me twitter? Jamais, monsieur, jamais. What a terrible thing. No no. Not for me. Uh uh..
Borgawards. *cackle*.
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dolce: Give my regards to Jerry Ryan.
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Sheesh, Jerry Ryan can have a lot more than my regards…
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It’s Jeri, guys. With an ‘i’. And I bet she signs it with a little heart as the tittle.
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A rose by any other name…
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Ed Zachary!
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it’s actually 140 characters or less.
just fyi.
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thrills: Ta. I didn’t have time to consult with my Twitter expert before posting.
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i couldn’t vote for dolce, because i obviously voted for myself. but i did vote for you!!
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Most kind. You’re also a peach. A nectarine, even.
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You’re just jealous because we’re all talking about you behind your back. so nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.
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betenoir: Oh me! How will I ever cope?
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Already voted for the lass 🙂
And yes I Facebook. Ya take the good with the bad…
For me, its a great way to stay in touch / keep updated with family and some close friends in SA, Canada and the UK.
For the rest (all the other Fb contacts I’m too polite to ignore/defriend), I just set Fb to show me less of their inane prattle.
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Oh, and since I voted, does that mean I’ve already been assimilated?
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daemoncoder: Indeed you have, but if you’re gonna get sucked in, you may as well go the whole nine yards.
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🙂
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birdman: 😎
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Facebook, Vleisboek, Fuckbook. I tried to ignore all the poking and sheep throwing gifts, group invites and best friend quizzes at first, but the final straw was the random friend invites from people you tried to avoid most of high school – including your lesbian English teacher. So. Twitter, Twatter, Twats? Get poked.
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anicker: My high school English teacher is a lesbian?. This explains much, except perhaps that one time behind the bicycle shed during assembly…
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so twitter within your three panels, you have the shakes half the time anyway.
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sera: Shaken, but not stirred.
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Kyknoord, I voted for you, too. I only mentioned that I voted for Dolce. I didn’t want you to feel neglected.
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robin: Oh Robin, I don’t feel neglected. Simply having you here is enough for me.
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wow… This whole twitter topic is like that special VD you get and never leaves.
been following your blog for awhile and i just want to say thanks for simplifying a lot of things.
would you please follow my twitter? /fail.
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oh and a topic request “the other side of my girlfriend”, whatever comes to mind.
thanks.
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heyitsyou: But I hardly know anything about your girlfriend – except for the way she likes it. Oh yes.
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but even my grandmother is doing it, twittering, but that has nothing to do with computers.
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seraphine: Cooool. Listen, if she ever tries to fly from tree to tree, one word: YouTube.
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virtual privacy is a thing oddly be savioured. what happened to that era when people got their kicks from champagne.
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302: We’ve exchanged sophistication for sophistry.
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Isn’t twitter for twats that are too lazy to blog?
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the spear: No, that’s what webcomics are for.
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