Bagel theory

Not everyone likes bagels. It’s true!

The weird thing is how often the bagel fanciers feel compelled to try and convince the bagel dislikers that they really should like bagels, because, well, y’know everybody does. Also, if you would just try one, you’ll see.

There is no point in trying to put forward a counter-argument, because bagel advocates appear to be clinically incapable of understanding how someone could not like a bagel.

It is exceedingly frustrating, but excellent training if you work with architects a lot.


37 thoughts on “Bagel theory

  1. take a bagel. consume a bite of said bagel. screw up your face into the most pained, agonized scrunch you can muster – and then hoark a bagel chunk directly into bagel-pushers face. ideally with a gigantic loogie trailing like a comet tail.

    post gak? simply say “tried it. not so fond…”


  2. “It is exceedingly frustrating, but excellent training if you work with architects a lot.”


    And I’m wheat intollerant dude. The mere mention of bagels is like slow torture.


  3. Hate Bagels..can’t stand them..Nothing worse than a fat triple chinned nurse trying to shove her butter laden, cream cheese coming out the sides bagel on me, telling me how awesome they are. Thank you, NO, my double chin and I are fine with muffins once a month.
    The more I resisted the more people tried to convince me they were great. Started avoiding Friday morning break rooms for fear of bagel ambush.


  4. For some reason, your dissertation reminded me of this, although I’m not sure why.

    I eat bagels. On occasion. And despite the fact that they are heavy lumps of dry dough that sort of weigh me down.


  5. I have a cousin who was shunned for not liking bagels. She would stubbornly show up for Passover seders, and we would reach over her face for the salt. When she tried to speak, we would say stuff like, “Hey! Is the wind really loud tonight, or what?” Finally, she moved to Iran and became a terrorist.


        • It’s not exactly a riveting read, is it? All those “begats” and the ending that makes no sense at all – and while we’re about it, what the fuck is the deal with Leviticus? No offence Dad, but maybe it’s time You thought about retiring.


          • Don’t blame me for that unreadable epic. Those desert herdsmen were just about the most humourless devotees I ever had. The Greeks at least let me drink mead and come down to earth and begat with much more glee than I ever could as Jehovah. After two thousand years of the celibacy imposed on my by YOUR followers those memories are all I have left.

            Forget about me retiring, how about you becoming a little less strait-laced, Son.


            • Of course I blame You! With ultimate power comes ultimate responsibility. In any case, You made them. All I did was encourage them to try and be nicer to one another and we both know how well that little field trip ended.


  6. Pingback: Credo quia absurdum « the other side of the mountain

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