Goal post

But I was just bringing you your machine gun!
Hot on the heels of the audit, performance appraisal season has begun.

It’s not that I really mind these annual soul-crushing sessions devoted entirely to how far we’re all falling short of management’s expectations, it’s just that I can’t quite figure out why management has such high expectations in the first place. I guess George Windbag Santayana has the right of it after all: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”

Anyway, this year they’ve introduced a new segment, which goes by the sinister title of SECTION 5 (subtitled: Your Colleagues Think You’re a Dickhead). SECTION 5 adds that extra bit of self-confidence shredding that is all too often missing in modern companies.

Still, it’s not all bad. In view of the recent SECTION 5 revelations, I am particularly gratified that my co-workers choose not to spit in my face when we pass in the passage.

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29 thoughts on “Goal post

  1. I’m quite disappointed we don’t have this section 5 thing. I think I’d come out tops. After all, everyone LOVES the girl who gets paid to be on Facebook, Twitter and blog all day. Naaat.

    God I love that you’re back.

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  2. we did the ‘360 degree’ review… of the 10 people who chose to add written comments on mine? 8 used the words “burnt out”. at least i’m consistent in how i treat my colleagues…

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  3. These comments from other employees must be new..I left the work force before all this garbage started. Lucky me if I ever go back to the wonderful work force, I have the heads up to be really really nice to the coworkers. I was one of those people who did peer reviews just because I was a trainer..not the average bitch who you pissed off 2 days before your review by trying to force them to eat a bagel.

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  4. Peer reviews? I never read the comments of others. I mean, I couldn’t care less what they think during the year, why would it matter what they say at performance review time?

    We are using a “performance management” system adopted from GE. It’s a demoralizing system with “buckets” and “forced rankings” which means that some have to be forced into the “bottom bucket” resulting in “corrective action”. Management has been told this system sucks but, despite the fact that GE has since dropped it as “unworkable”, our management just adds more bells, whistles and new software apps.

    I’m amazed by my own attitude change towards more and more into the “I don’t give a fuck” range as I rapidly approach that mythical “eligible to retire” date (which is on the date of my birth next year). Sweet freedom doth beckon.

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  5. Peer review sounds like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard – bound to cause discord and kill morale. I can’t think of one positive thing that could come of it. I would approach it like the answer to “do I look fat in this dress?”. I’d just say everyone is fabulous and give my manager the finger behind his back.

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