Yeah? Well you’re a – a – bad man!

Cretin is still a firm favourite, but only when used in the context of its origin
A precisely aimed insult often hits home with far greater impact than a generic catch-all slur+.

Although “retard” is both satisfying and functional in conveying the sense of mental deficiency when describing a fellow citizen of the cube farm, it’s always been a little bit too vague for my liking. This is probably why I’ve taken to using more accurate terms:

An idiot has a mental age of about two and possesses no capacity for empathy whatsoever. Idiots are extremely demanding and require help for basic tasks like eating, bottom-wiping and project planning. Basically, idiocy is a compulsory prerequisite for senior management;

Your average imbecile, however, has a mental age of between 2 and 8 and is able to follow simple instructions, but requires constant supervision and is typically incapable of initiative or independent thought;

And finally, a moron has a mental age of between 8 and 12 and is able to function with a reasonable degree of independence. Nonetheless, morons generally fail to develop the necessary social skills to fit into a normal society. Most of them end up on the internet proving Godwin’s Law over and over and over again.

+ The one exception to this rule (in South Africa and most of south London, for that matter) is “doos”. It is essentially the Chuck Norris of insults.


39 thoughts on “Yeah? Well you’re a – a – bad man!

  1. Let’s start this the right way…FIRST..
    then…my husband has an “Idiot” for the Executive Director position where he works..even though this Idiot works for the Dr.s he is trying to push them around and tell them how to run their office time with the patients. your “average Imbecile” I was over qualified for the job of Executive Director..I informed them that I was perfectly capable of wiping my own ass.


  2. Adding komkolletjie to my vocabulary. Of course i’ll be pronouncing “komkolletjie” is with a Texas accent so unsure of effectiveness.

    “Learnin’ is fun!” GW Bush


  3. I’m fond of eejit (Irish). And plonker (Norf Lundun). And ‘ya flamin’ gallah’ (Australia). Picking up international insults is one of the great pleasures of travel.


    • So true. The thing that terrifies me about travel is how it’s supposed to broaden your mind, but none of the brochures tell you how far you can go before it snaps.


  4. R-tard works for me, as do fuckwad, fuckwit, yo-yo and the ever popular doos.

    With so many of the ‘wheel’s still spinning but the hamster’s dead’ types out there, we need to have enough terms to go around, and the politically correct ones just don’t really cut it!


    • Fun fact: cretin, retard, moron, imbecile, and idiot were all once acceptable – nay, respectable – descriptive terms. They only acquired their derogatory meaning later. Kind of like how “special” or “challenged” have been appropriated as insults now.


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