See, kids? That’s why Jebus doesn’t answer your prayers. It would be a public relations nightmare.
However, if you are in the market for advice on interpersonal matters, you should ask an expert like Daisyfae. I have a tendency to go off on a random and convoluted tangent involving Ian Fleming quotes and you’d end up being even more confused than ever.
On the subject of emotional matters, I was chatting to Kyknoord Jr on the phone and she posed the much-dreaded question, “Why are you and Mommy divorced?” A tricky one, indeed. The answer itself is relatively simple, but how exactly do you tell a six-year old that her mother went batshit crazy and her old man is generally crap with relationships? She thinks these things are normal. Poor kid.
I suspect she was hoping for a nice short explanation like “Ah, it was the radioactivity, little one”, because I was only halfway into the backstory when told me she had to go. Hey, it was important, ok? Ben 10 was on.
the other side of the mountain 
At least she didn’t ask you to re-marry. Be grateful for small mercies.
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Fortunately, there’s no risk of that, but I am grateful nonetheless.
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So you and Jebus are not the go-to-guys? Perhaps I will check out Daisyfae.
(The only good relationship advice I’ve ever heard is, “Can you be yourself with that other person? If not, get out!”)
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This may explain my attrocious track-record. I often wake up in the morning thinking, “who am I?”
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Jesus Christ with a crackpipe?!? Me? Relationship advice? You’re sending referrals just to torment me, aren’t you…
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No, not just to torment you.
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I’m going over to Daisyfae. She’ll tell me how to off my family. I know she will.
How could you babble on when it’s time for Ben 10? Have some compassion, why don’t you?
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I know, I know! I was looking on the wrong page of the TV guide.
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Now I have to Google “Ben 10” …
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In Communist Russia, Ben 10 Google you!
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Hey. Wait a minute. Jebus hung out with whores, too, ya know. Just what do you suppose THAT was all about? Eh? And I agree about Daisy. She will (and has) provided a well aimed kick in the ole’ beanbag when it’s deserved.
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Apparently Joseph misheard Jebus when he said, “Dad, I wanna ride a horse”
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i charge extra for kicking the ol’ beanbag. invoice headed your way, mr. banishment.
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You could try telling her this: “You see, little Kyknoord Jr., I prayed to Jesus to keep your mommy and me together, but apparently Jesus doesn’t give a damn about you. Also, don’t tell your mother we had this talk. Also, don’t say the word ‘damn.'”
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It’s got to be worth a try at least.
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Jeez, you mean dad wastn’ suppose to tell me my mother went batshit crazy? Oh. Mind you, mom’s answer was also less than polite. Fukken selfish bastards. Now I have to plan for two separate retirement homes. Or pray one loses their marbles.
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We’re all graduates of the Larkin school of parenting.
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Of course John doesn’t count. Oral is NOT sex – I know this because your ex president told me so…..
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Would that be Mandela, Mbeki or Motlanthe?
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oops I forgot you’re not in the good ol’ US of A. Sorry about that Kyk. My bad.
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Jesus kinda dug Martha too hey!
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Dear god, I hope that’s not some kind of euphemism.
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I fucking love Ben 10…ha. I feel your pain…my ex was batshit crazy too. Luckily, my kid lives with me.
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Good thing. That batshit is toxic stuff.
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I knew he didn’t have all the answers.
Take that Grandma!
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Yeah Grandma! Just be grateful we didn’t give you a wedgie, too.
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At 6, a reasonable response is, “Your Mommy and I had some problems and just could not live together, but we both love you very much.” Sounds trite, but it really is what young kids need to hear.
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You’re right. I’d better hang on with the radiation story until she’s seven.
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i don’t think it matters a rat’s ass who gives relationship advice (even the invincible Daisyfae)… there is no way on this green earth to understand ANY relationship–platonic, fraternal, sexual… i just give up [walks away muttering and shaking his head in dismay]
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do you need a kick in the ol’ beanbag, mr. gnukid?
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Yeah, it sounds like someone needs a quick reboot.
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Ceiling Cat would have had a better response…
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– or at least shed some fur on the situation.
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When I was 6, I asked my Dad what “pregnant” was? He told me that once you got married you could go to the hospital to buy a baby. That’s where they got my brother and I. I asked him why my uncle could buy babies when he hadn’t married his girlfriend. He said it was a secret, but that they had stolen their baby from the hospital. I looked on wide eyed! To this day I always think of that uncle as a little shifty.
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Shameful. Filling a youngster’s head with such garbage. Everybody knows only atheists buy babies. For eating, of course.
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Wait. You mean batshit crazy mothers and relationship challenged fathers *isn’t* normal….?
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Apologies, sloppy writing on my part.
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Ah, the need for backstory. That’s my biggest downfall.
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Mine is that I don’t always look where I’m going.
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This, sir, is hilarious.
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