Ever since my divorce, my old school chum Mr Seagull has been trying to set me up with one of Cthulhu’s offspring his friends. I’ve met her before and while I’m sure she’s a lovely person and all that, she makes my hackles rise+. I also know that I have a similar effect on her. To put it bluntly: we just don’t like one another. It happens. People fall in loathe all the time. My numerous attempts to explain this to Seagull Boy have fallen on ears of cloth and he firmly clings to the erroneous belief that she and I are perfect for one another.
He grudgingly let the matter drop for a while, but when I told him about my recent break-up, the flame of his resolve instantly reignited with renewed vigour. I could hear the gears furiously turning even as the words “Bummer, dude. That’s harsh” left his disingenuous lips.
Several weeks later, I got the inevitable invitation:
“Dinner, you say? How nice. So who else have you invited?”
“Oh, just a few friends”
“Right. I don’t suppose she happens to be on the guest list?”
“Who?”
“Don’t play coy with me; I’m not in the mood”
“Er – uh, that is -”
“DON’T EVEN FUCKING THINK OF LYING, OR IT WILL GO VERY BADLY FOR YOU!”
“mumble”
“Sorry? Didn’t quite catch that”
“Yes. She’ll be there”
“Oh, what a shame, it turns out I’m busy that night after all”
That’s the trouble with faith. Rational arguments simply don’t work against a true believer.
+ Perhaps if she made other things rise, it wouldn’t be quite so dire, but she doesn’t and it is *shudder*
the other side of the mountain 
the few friends i have who have considered matchmaking me? i simply reminded them of the trail of broken humans littering my wake… funny, but it’s no longer an issue. that or i’ve become irepairably homely. i’ll stick with the first explanation…
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On the other hand, maybe they’re just trying to lull you into a false sense of security.
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But you want to be on the good side of He Who Will Rise When the Star Right don’t you?
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Malach!
Actually, I’m willing to risk it.
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But, didn’t know know that opposites attract? I hear it all the time. She could be The One.
On the other hand, you could smash Mr. Seagull in the beak with the flat of your palm the next time he brings it up.
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If she’s The One, why is she dicking around at dinner parties instead of trying to save Zion from the evil machines?
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i fall in loathe more often than not. i like the term falling in loathe” and i will most likely steal it and use it often.
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Have fun. Don’t spend it all at once.
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Agreed. I’m also stealing “falling in loathe.” It’s one of my favorite pastimes, but it never had a name … until now.
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Well ok, you kids share nicely now.
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alonewithcats and obscurealien are simply MADE for each other, don’t you think?
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Without a doubt. They have SO much in common.
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Why do you look so handsome in the middle panel?
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Just doing my Admiral Ackbar impression. Pretty good, huh?
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Mr Seagull? Is his name Nelson?
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It’s a reference to the seagull style of management that his previous company adopted in dealing with satellite offices.
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Mmm, revealing my age again.
Des & Dawn Lindberg, cover of The Seagull’s name was Nelson:
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hey i’m coming down to hermanus next week, fancy tea and crumpets?
🙂
cough
splutter
hack
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Tea sounds lovely, but I’d need to know the crumpets’ names first before I even think of accepting.
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The path to (dating) hell is paved with good intentions.
(One must always be wary of good intentions.)
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Intensions lead to tensions and tensions and intensity and when you’re intense, you sometimes discover you don’t like camping at all.
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bill and ted
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It sounds like an excellent adventure.
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Kinda makes me wonder if Speed Hating would take off as a popular form of social discourse. Anger Management meets Bloodsport.
You keen?
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Revo!
I’ll get my people to contact your people and we can set something up.
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Station!
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Station!
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Loathing each other doesn’t mean you won’t have great sex. Get you friend to ask her whether she likes it mean and angry.
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I’m not sure I’m strong enough for that. At best it would be a three-bag scenario.
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Oh good. She won’t have to die.
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I’m afraid she will; it’s compulsory for all of us.
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She’s been single since your divorce?!
Run Forrest! Run!
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Hang on, let me finish my chocolates first.
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That’s the problem with men?
Always in a hurry to their dessert, first.
Avoid the nutty ones. They can give allergic reactions.
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Gorilla Bananas makes an excellent point.
Plus, you know that the writing is on the wall and that your “friend” (i use the word lightly) is not going to stop trying until you’re reduced to a blubbering mess. Agree to the experiment while your dignity is still whole! We’ll come up with justifications!
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Oh, what a shame, it turns out that I have no dignity after all.
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because that’s what you want, to jump right into another relationship.
Awesome.
Friends who listen are great.
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Aren’t they just?
For some people, it’s more important to be right than to worry about trivial things like facts.
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Darth Girlius
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Are you poking fun at my light sabre?
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Doesn’t the prospect of something shallow & meaningless appeal at all?
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What, you mean apart from my job?
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This is great! But I can’t decide which I enjoyed more, the post itself or these delightful comment exchanges? 😀
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Take your time, but you will be asked to choose later.
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Gah. I once told my friend’s I’d become a lesbian in the hopes they’d stop trying to set me up. It worked for a while, until a girl with a baseball cap and a ring through her bottom lip joined the gang. Then it was a free-for-all and I was the bait.
Sigh. Friends, if they weren’t so full of shit we wouldn’t need them at all.
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What? You let her go? But you were perfect for one another.
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Wow, that’s one bizarrely determined guy!
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Oh yes. Poster boy for the “none so blind” cliché since 2005.
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With friends like Seagull Boy, who needs enemies, eh?
Seagull is an interesting choice of nickname. Around my neck of the woods, it’s a bit derogatory: Aw, he’s like a seagull. If he ain’t squawkin’, he’s shittin’.
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That’s excellent news. I shall deploy it as an insult immediately.
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