The 2010 FIFA World Cup starts in South Africa on Friday.

Yes, I know that I should be thrilled to the very core of my being, despite being relentlessly bombarded with media hype for the past three fucking years.

Yes, I know that I ought to be grateful that a sizeable portion of my rates and taxes was spent constructing a venue that looks exactly like an enormous toilet bowl (yes, Cape Town Stadium, I’m talking about you).

Yes, I know that I should joyfully bow down before the Mighty and Benevolent God FIFA and give on-demand blowjobs to High Priest Sepp Blatter or risk being branded as a traitor to my country.

Thanks, but I’d rather not.


61 thoughts on “FIFA-fo-fum

  1. Overheard recently in a small Queensland town: “I really hope the Socceroos win cos then we’ll be able t’ have the Cup [played] here.”

    I just may become devoutly religious and pray it never happens…


  2. One of my sons is really into the World Cup. I thought it was, you know, a big cup. You could hold a lot of liquid in a big cup. Beer, a nice big cup of tea, Diet Coke. I’d like a big cup shaped like a toilet bowl for my birthday.


  3. No one can say what he feels with such brevity and humour like you, K
    Your intelligence continues to astound me.
    As far as sports go, here’s to big balls.
    Off to watch the Celtics hopefully kick the LA’s ass.


  4. although it’s on a much smaller scale (without that ‘international involvement and massive influx of tourists’), i’ve found that going out to run errands during the Superbowl (which, IS a big toilet, by the way) is much like being in an episode of “The Twilight Zone” (need more parenthesis here just to make this comment completely unreadable).


  5. Pardon my ignorance but what exactly is FIFA? And all stadiums look like giant toilet bowls. The only difference here is that the name changes every few years when one advertisers contract is up and another out bids them. I still live in the days that it was Browns or Indians stadiums and that was that.


    • The only way to cure FIFA would be to drop a tactical nuke on their headquarters in Zurich. Not that I would advocate such a course of action. No, indeedy. Definitely not.


  6. Spank me with rubber.. You got yourself a really nice theme here !!!

    I am with you on the whoe SWC hype thing.. I feel like the grinch that ruined xmas..


    If this was rugby.. Ek het die GEEES 😉


  7. I believe it was Douglas Adams that said,

    “We can’t win against obsession. They care, we don’t. They win.”

    A fucking awful fuckity fuck of a thing.


  8. Well. I never though i would see the day that i would buy a Vuvuzela (apparently it is Zulu for “shoot the Boer” – they had to change it from VuvuZulu after a few unfortunate misunderstandings). but i did. we also had the biggest flag (size does matter) that i courageously climbed out onto the roof to deploy (where is the Sunday Times when you need them) – i have pics, but after drinking wine since the big roof-walk, i have no idea how to upload a link to it.

    Face it – the World Cup is like a Karoo Wedding – potentially hard work, someone always scores, someone always cry, embarrassing pics will follow and it is over before you can say “tant-koek-se-hoenderhaan” – but ultimately, if you DO get into it, immensely fun. Just don’t drive or drink Brandy. at the same time. Fifa won’t approve.


  9. i can’t believe you uttered the word vuvuzela multiple times here… there may be children reading! sex education is for the street corners just after puberty!


  10. *sobs* As all my favourite soaps will be shuffled off the schedule and I will find myself watching England lose during the penalty shoot out…
    Oh God, it’s so predictable *bashes head against wall*….thank goodness for Big Brother.


  11. Oh, is THAT what that not so faint din in the distance is all about?

    On a solemn note, I appreciate the carefully inserted trademark symbols. I’ve been living dangerously by stubbornly omitting it in all the stories (and oh, there have been way way waaayyy too many) I’ve written about the 2010 FIFA World Cup. See, sans TM! Aren’t I just the bravest soul? 2010 FIFA World Cup! 2010 FIFA World Cup! And again! And AGAIN!


  12. I an definitely with you on this. Two things spring to mind: 1. The sound of football/soccer blaring from the tv and claps and shouts of encouragement bursting from my stepfather at least once a week whilst gorgeous old movies were missed on other channels. 2. The Olympics in Sydney.


  13. Certainly interesting times in this house as while I shall be shouting (at discreet levels) for England, the girls willl all be allez-ing les blues (they are wearing nothing but blue this morning for school) and singing the Marseillaise.

    Happily France have even less of a prayer than England.


  14. Haha, I enjoyed this. I know its not really the same, but I felt that Sydney was left with rather a few too many large ‘toilet bowls’ after we held the Olympics. The only ‘event’ i could muster the energy to go to was the ‘Aboriginal Tent Embassy’ that was being staged in protest!


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