Kyknoord uses “polite no” attack! It’s not very effective

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It's important to have a contingency plan
There’s been a new development in my ex-wife’s campaign to inveigle her way into my spare room.

She appears to have let the matter drop for now, but I know from bitter experience that it won’t end here. She never gives up that easily and I can almost guarantee that she’s busily concocting some scheme to blindside me, unless I can come up with an ironclad countermeasure.

The odds are pretty good that she’ll simply show up at my doorstep armed with a lame story that her accommodation plans have “somehow” fallen through and that she has nowhere else to go. She’s already done this once before.

It therefore makes sense for me to remove the prize from the field altogether and rent out the room. To this end, I have compiled the following form to weed out undesirable applicants:

Are you my ex-wife? [ Y ] [ N ]

I have a good feeling about this.

76 thoughts on “Kyknoord uses “polite no” attack! It’s not very effective”

  4. 1. Only sometimes
    2. What’s a television?
    3. Yes, I’m a woman – aren’t we born to be chained to a sink?
    4. I am that fairy
    5. Please… I’m not called “Rubenesque” for nothing!
    6. NO
    7. Got no idea what you’re talking about?
    8. My kid is all grown up – not necessary any more!
    9. Every minute of it – I love Mondays so I can go to work!
    10. With these girls?
    11. No and
    12. No – I’m not a chip pan
    13. Nope… I own a saxophone though 😀
    14. Not that I’m aware of
    15. Dunno it…
    16. You’re absolutely sure your ex is going to turn up?
    17. I’m not 12/13/14/15/16 – he’s a bit young for me, and I reckon he’d be a pain in the neck…
    18. I’m blonde and have flashed my nekkid bits on the Interweb… I was modeling nipple piercing at the time 😀 Sadly I’m not 6′, so 1/3 for me too!

    PS. I know it was a Y/N form, but I felt it needed a little extra PR… 😉

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  7. Since it’s a yes/no response (although I could “do a Helga”)…
    no yes yes no no no no no yes and all the rest are no. Being too lazy to keep typing “no” probably negates my first answer.

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  12. Why do I have a feeling that if the answer to the last question is yes, all the other answers are irrelevant?
    Maybe that would just be me . . .

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  14. 1) Not that I am aware of
    2) Uhm, I THINK so
    3) I am the OCD Queen of Dishes (QoD)
    4) My gorgeous Delia Defy takes care of that
    5) No, in fact quite the opposite (yes all this AND I can cook too – I KNOW!)
    6) Not that I can recall
    7) No, but it was strangely life-like
    8) Is black a vomit colour?
    9) Mostly
    10) No!
    11) Yes, once but it was the 80’s, big hair, hairspray, lighter – WOOF!
    12) No
    13) Does my daughter’s electronic keyboard count?
    14) No
    15) AHAHAHAHAHA – No!
    16) Well that depends – how are your doing? Do you’re socks smell?
    17) Not this lifetime, no
    18) Yes

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  19. no…umm…i mean yes..um..**voice in head is telling me to answer no to #1**tells voice to go back to being lazy**
    NO..that’s my final answer..
    I have to do laundry/dishes now..may I borrow your lighter?

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  20. Had another thought – how about starting a new hobby… collecting spiders (eg. big, hairy tarantulas) or snakes, (eg. boa constrictors) and keep them in the spare room… just sayin’ 😀

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  21. Dude, I’ve seen my fair share of divorces and I still don’t know why it’s always the guy who stays the gentleman and women morph into heinous cow-demons from another dimension…most of the time. I guess being a lady is just not rated highly enough any more by either gender. Nice blog, glad shebee pointed it out 🙂

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    • Ta. I can’t speak for other men, but in my case, it was caused by the Testosterone Transfer Effect. You see, the ex got my testicles in the divorce settlement.

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  23. Sharing a flat with models is not all that it’s cracked up to be. I shared with two for a while and the pillow fights in baby doll nighties and seeing them wandering around with out their tops on most mornings was very wearing. Eventually.

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  25. would it be possible to move? or pretend to move? change the name on the mailbox and all that? get some cute little old granny type to answer the door when she’s due to arrive in town… c’mon. you can do this – AND have fun with it!

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  28. I’d be willing to give away my bagpipes for you. Let’s hear it. *Awwww….*

    Ok. Fine. Once I accidentally set myself on fire. It was an accident, for cripe’s sake! Why does this still haunt me?

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  30. Excellent questionnaire, no doubt complied by someone with a wealth of experience dealing with ‘Dude, where is my car’ documentary enthusiasts.

    Great job Kyknoord, your hilarious!…..

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  31. I don’t know why none of us didn’t come up with this before: can *I* come and stay in your spare room for the dates your ex wants to descend on you?
    I hear there are some very good vineyards in the district (my interest is in observing vine training methods. And some sampling.)

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  33. Send her a briefcase filled with glowing, radiated material. Then call her and say in a menacing tone: ‘Repo men are intense.’

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  35. Kyk: “I’m not as green as I’m cabbage looking, you know.”

    You were saying…?

    Speaking of green – tell her you have contracted swine flu a few days before she arrives.

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