No, it’s Ctrl-C BEFORE Ctrl-V

and it has been trained to call me master
I’ve been going through one of those “Oh, what’s it all about?” phases. Again. Since I can’t really afford another mid-life crisis, it comes as no small relief to learn that this is probably an extended symptom of break-up fever.

Well, Science says so at any rate.

It turns out that even a death in the family can be less traumatic than being dumped. This explains why Ophelia goes completely off the rails when Hamlet gives her the “Get thee to a nunn’ry” treatment, whereas Laertes only does a bit of recreational grave-jumping after Ophelia offs herself.

At least I have my job at the idiot farm to keep me sane. Oh, wait…


46 thoughts on “No, it’s Ctrl-C BEFORE Ctrl-V

  1. I hear you.. Crying razorblades. Been rethinking the ‘Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ thing.. Oh how awesome that would be, to just wipe out entire relationships and their impending break-ups.

    Its ass, I’m sorry*
    feel better


  2. It sucks being the dumpee. Of course, being the dumper is never easy either… but I guess you know what’s coming, which changes the whole dynamic.

    I’d offer to kiss it better, but suspect that’s not quite going to work! 😀


  3. mastering the art of revisionist emotional history is a good start. “What? I wasn’t in love! It was just hormones and too much chocolate cheesecake that night!” Oh, and my patented technique of pre-negotiating the end of every relationship-like connection before it starts.

    i should probably be medicated, but it’s more fun to ride the crazy coaster sometimes…


  4. Personally I just think Ophelia should have been all “sod you Hamfist, I’m going to find someone younger who looks good in T Shirts and wants to go out clubbing, you mopey bastard.” and then bought herself some cute shoes and gotten a nice haircut.


  5. Eish. This sucks dead flies. Freshly wounded from a break-up a few years ago a friend said to me: “It’s call ‘break-up’ because it’s broken.” It still hurt like hell but I found red wine helped dull the pain.

    Hang in there!


  6. I have two solutions for break-ups which really help me. 1. My little orange pills – they take the sting out of everything from break-ups to opening my credit card account. 2. Murder – if you kill them and dispose of the body successfully then instead of dealing with a break-up you are dealing with a “death in the family” which we have already established is less traumatic. Jailtime if you get caught can be a bit of a bother I expect. Of course I wouldn’t know about being dumped – what with all my relationships being sabotaged by my fear of commitment right at the outset – I run away long before dumptime.


  7. Sitting here watching a setting near-new moon realising that it will set whether I watch it or not. The port helps. Red through the glass, the moon sinks. Another port, or two, and the moon will set and I, at last, will sleep.

    Age simply bring more regrets.


  8. As someone who has played Ophelia, I thought she goes off the rails after Hamlet kills Polonius. Then again, my Shakespeare’s rusty and we were only doing the Five-Minute version of Hamlet. And I no longer look good in a dress either.


  9. I can’t offer sage advise on breakups. When dumped, I become a serial stalking/drunk dialing/depressed psycho with a roll of toilet paper, a cell phone and internet. I don’t recommend that course of action though.


  10. Apparently the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
    No glib advice for the work situation though.


  11. Have you seen The Heartbreak Kid starring Charles Grodin and Sybil Shepherd? Grodin decides to leave his new wife on their honeymoon and attempts to break it to her gently. She guesses he’s terminally ill rather trying to dump her.


  12. Sorry dude. I’d give you the whole “life’s too short” speech (which it is) but it would come off sounding like bollocks, I’m sure. Hope you find your way soon.


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