Space. The final frontier…

But that sense of humour will be useful elsewhere.  Probably.
My low opinion of town planners is on record.

I am leaning towards a new theory that they are related to goldfish. The crowd of idiots I’m currently working with can just about remember the last thing I’ve told them, but any reference to an email or discussion prior to that is met with complete open-mouthed incomprehension. I have to remind them of every single previously discussed issue, every single fucking time. It’s kind of like Memento meets The House That Jack Built, but with fewer tattoos and definitely not enough killing (or indeed, cowbell). It makes for very long meetings.

The same bunch also likes to throw around the word “space” at every opportunity, which is kind of ironic when you consider their inability to think in three dimensions. They have an annoying tendency to place blocks of houses directly across drainage routes and as a result, I end up re-enacting scenes from Ghostbusters more frequently than one would expect in an office environment:

KYKNOORD: Don’t cross the streams.
TOWN PLANNER: Why?
KYKNOORD: It would be bad.
TOWN PLANNER: I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, “bad”?

Sparkly, rainbow-coloured ones
This is why I prefer Architects. They may be evil minions of Satan, but at least they’re capable of passing a Turing test.

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44 thoughts on “Space. The final frontier…

  1. I walk around New York City in amazement wondering how that got all that shit to work. Underground Manhattan is, basically, hollow. They found a way to accommodate subways, sewage, electric, gas, water and god knows what else. Pretty brilliant stuff, if you ask me. My point is that there must be SOME town planning committees out there who know what they’re doing. You just need to find the smart ones and go work for them.

    Are there any other problems you’d like me to solve for you?

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  2. You would not believe what the town planners have done to the highway running through the community nearest us. For some strange reason, they decided it would be better to convert an 80 km/hr highway – which largely serves commuter traffic going through – to a 50 km/hr urban expressway. The work has been going on for nearly two years now. They totally fucked up a perfectly good working order roadway and turned it into the worst clusterfuck imaginable. And to top it off, the cunts had the nerve to put up red light and speed on green radar cameras; they’re making a fucking killing.

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  3. Ahh, the design types eith their Space and Between. About as exciting as a Dave Matthew’s Band song. I prefer the term “Void”. It’s more apt especially when used in the context of bowels or skull.

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  4. Now all you have to do is work in “Tell him about the Twinkie” or “I have seen shit that will turn you WHITE!” or “Yes it’s true. This man has no dick” and you’ll be awarded the title of The Man by some shadowy organization that may or may not exist.

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    • I’ve already used “I think this building should be condemned. There’s serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members” and “No offense, guys, but I’ve gotta get my own lawyer”. Does that count?

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  5. Bunch of morons. Thats what happens when you let any hick with ANY honors degree become town planners. I once met a town planner who did an undergraduate and honors in history? WTF?

    “This is why I prefer Architects.” You actually like us. I’m touched.

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