According to official statistics, there were 4 678 pedestrian fatalities in South Africa in 2009. That’s a lot of longpig tartare. In fact, it’s more people than ALL of Jacob Zuma’s wives and kids combined! And yet it fails to discourage urban strollers from doing their utmost to become one with the asphalt. Friendly word of warning, folks: my brakes need a service.
I’ve developed several theories about why so many South Africans prefer to amble down the middle of the road instead of using the walkways that were specifically put there for their exclusive use:
- They suffer from erienerphobia – the morbid fear of sidewalks
- They’re die-hard fatalists who feel that their mortality is in the hands of the Universe
- They’re idiots
Idiots. Definitely.
the other side of the mountain 
Longpig. I read that somewhere once, but never knew anyone who actually used the expression.
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This is Africa. We invented cannibalism.
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Ha! I choked on my wine when I read that!
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high speed moving sidewalks that end at a large brick wall? that’s some out-of-the-box thinking…
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More like into-the-casket thinking. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.
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Now I know this isn’t going to be politically correct, but when I was living in SA, I also never understood the desire to walk along the road, in the pitch black, when one was… erm… well, pitch black too! 😦
And motorways! What was all that walking along motorways about??? :S
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I suspect they have the desire to be emo, but can’t bear to cut themselves.
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Squooman!
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Squeeple.
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Longpig tartare?!? What do you serve with that?
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Wafers – if it’s a traditional requiem mass, of course.
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D – I am the star of my own Truman Show, they hate me and are trying to piss me off! 🙂
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If that’s true, they’re not paying me enough – even as an extra.
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I’m a horrible driver. It’s lucky I don’t live in SA. I’d leave a path of death and destruction behind me on the way to work. Then I’d have to cheer up the relatives of the people I killed.
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Sounds like guaranteed employment to me. When can you get here?
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I use the sidewalks all the time, they are always free of other vehicles
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I’m going to start following your example.
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Longpig tartare? I will not be having any of that, regardless of what’s served with it.
Idiots? Perhaps unclear on the concept. Seriously, though, it’s probably some misguided sense of entitlement. Indigenous peoples seem to have them everywhere. While our pedestrian fatalities come no near the numbers you quoted, we have more than zero and many of them are usually homeless people of the native Indian persuasion. I don’t know. Maybe they think they’re invincible? That they’re somehow “tougher” than 3,000 lbs of rolling metal?
Or maybe it’s just Darwinism in action.
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Let’s hope so, although I suspect many of them are old enough to have passed their genes on.
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I thought it said, “The school of hard cocks.”
Best porn video name ever. Sadly, I am not equipped for such an undertaking.
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hahahahahahahhaa
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Well, it does seem to be an elaborate game of “chicken”…
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“Just direct your feet… to the sunny side of the street.”
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And now you’re dead… with a broken head…
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a lot of expense could be saved by making a sidewalk *down the middle* of the street rather than on both sides.
think of it: one sidewalk instead of two.
pedestrians would be plainly visible to drivers.
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Now this the kind of latteral thinking that wins awards. Brilliant.
Where I used to live in London people favoured the middle of the road to give them a little more warning that they were about to be mugged.
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At the very least, it’ll make GTA V and absolute blast.
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I am constantly amazed that there aren’t more pedestrian fatalities on the streets of Manhattan. You should see the way people dart out into traffic! And why aren’t there more runaway taxis careening down the sidewalk?! It’s a mystery.
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I think people in Manhattan have realised that a swiftly moving target is more difficult to hit than one moving at a leisurely pace.
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You would be surprised how accurate the second one is.
It’s an African thing I think.
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Ah, so my foot on the accelerator is actually the hand of fate?
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I once drove right over a drunk farm-worker that had passed out in the middle of my driveway one night with his face in a puddle. Miraculously, he was unscathed, but to this day I am emotionally scarred.
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I’m not surprised. Your suspension must have taken a beating.
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If you are a law-abiding, sidewalk-using pedestrian – you will definitely also become a statistic. When you trust in the “little green man” and actually cross when you have the right of way – and get mowed down by the dumb f^&k who has just gone straight through the red light – at 60kph.
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You must NEVER trust the little green men. I recommend you wear a tinfoil hat.
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first.
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Let’s not bring my mother into this, ok?
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Capetonians are the worst. I’ve seen several nutters crossing a four lane intersections diagonally across? WTF?
I blame songstress Adele:
“Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere… “
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Most pavements are static – except during earthquakes. Maybe the earth moved for Adele?
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It’s all written..just like all the Final Destination movies..scary but when it’s your time, you’ve got to go..How? is sometimes your own choice..like walking in the street.
I’m too computer illiterate to post the youtube video of the idiot dancing in the street and he gets hit by the ice cream truck…Moron..
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In the immortal words of Tom Waits: Sidewalk sundae strawberry surprise
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I honestly think that some of them have a deathwish.. Either that they have a deathwish..
😉
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Nah, I reckon it’s because they have a deathwish.
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Maybe it has something to do with that “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back” superstition. Really, that’s pretty much why I spent most of my childhood in the emergency room.
(What can I say, my mother and I are tight.)
ps. longpig tartare= my new safe word.
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I always thought it was “Step on a crack, piss the plumber off”
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I can see a movie in this. Spielberg,or Jackson, maybe? Definitely with the 3D fad goggles so the airborne pedestrians appear to fly into the audience…oh, yeah. I need an agent!
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One with a license to kill.
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Yep, i’m with Rob here*, Darwin’s proven right at every turn**.
*No offense to Rob’s s.o. I mean that in an entirely proper fashion.
** See what i did here?
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** Yes, it certainly drives the point home.
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Option D – They’re fershnickered.
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Ah, so they’re out there looking for that one last hit.
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and it’s free.
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Weirdly enough – I think the large number of people doing it makes everyone think it’s perfectly safe. I once got in a debate with someone about driving in Morocco and how it’s crazy that everyone can drive like crazy and it’s okay. And the person was saying they never saw an accident, so clearly it was safe.
So maybe not enough South Africans have seen a person be hit by a car.
(I fear that last sentence is going to be taken out of context one day.)
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