So anyway, there was this talking banana

Not quite as poetic, though

I know I’ve been under the radar for a while now, but I was on a road-trip with Elvis, Salman Rushdie and the Easter Bunny, whilst carrying out a micron-accuracy survey of my belly-button. I didn’t spend the entire time navel-gazing, though. Apart from showing up at the office and pretending work, I also:

  • found Jesus (turns out he’d fallen down behind the bookcase when I was vacuuming);
  • became a computer orphan after my motherboard died;
  • started growing a moustache;
  • got an unexpected phone call from my long-lost teenage son;
  • received an email from an ex-girlfriend telling me that she’s getting married;
  • almost went on a date;
  • shot an alien in my parents’ back yard;
  • gave a heart-rending performance on stage at the Baxter Theatre; and
  • accidentally swallowed a button thinking it was a vitamin pill+

.
One of the above isn’t true, by the way. I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t the one about the alien – that IS true.

+ Perhaps the less said about the nasty incident involving the suppository, the better.

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57 thoughts on “So anyway, there was this talking banana

  1. It’s the moustache. Either you grow one or you don’t. Hell, I start growing one every morning until I shave (I’m shaving more regularly now that my daughters worry about being seen with someone

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  2. Don’t worry, Kyknoord, I have enough buttons in my stomach right now to fasten an entire village of children’s jackets!

    I have no idea what that means, btw. But still, I’m happy you’re here!

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  3. I’m guessing “found Jesus”. I can’t even imagine you having a postcard of Jesus.

    What was the alien like? Did it mind getting shot? Maybe that’s how they say “hi” on it’s planet, and you ended up becoming good friends. Is that what happened? (I have so many questions.)

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  4. Liked the Alien..
    I’m hoping the e mail from the ex wasn’t reminding you to show up to the wedding she planned for the two of you..It’s been known to happen that way..all the crazies out there.

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  5. Wow! I’m stumped. I’d have said that it was the moustache but just because you can’t really grow one doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t try. I’m going with the teenage son. I know you’re lazy and antisocial (that’s what makes you so attractive to a hermit like me) but I reckon you are not that careless that you’d lose track of a son. Mind you maybe he fell behind the shelf with Jesus when you were vacuuming. I guess you really are lazy and only vacuum very occasionally?

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