I know I’ve been under the radar for a while now, but I was on a road-trip with Elvis, Salman Rushdie and the Easter Bunny, whilst carrying out a micron-accuracy survey of my belly-button. I didn’t spend the entire time navel-gazing, though. Apart from showing up at the office and pretending work, I also:
- found Jesus (turns out he’d fallen down behind the bookcase when I was vacuuming);
- became a computer orphan after my motherboard died;
- started growing a moustache;
- got an unexpected phone call from my long-lost teenage son;
- received an email from an ex-girlfriend telling me that she’s getting married;
- almost went on a date;
- shot an alien in my parents’ back yard;
- gave a heart-rending performance on stage at the Baxter Theatre; and
- accidentally swallowed a button thinking it was a vitamin pill+
One of the above isn’t true, by the way. I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t the one about the alien – that IS true.
+ Perhaps the less said about the nasty incident involving the suppository, the better.