Unable to read media

and that would be bad

If I seem a little stressed, it’s because I’ve been getting queries from idiot contractors who insist on asking me for information that is contained in the very same advertisement where they found the telephone number allowing them to call me and ask stupid questions. Yes, there ARE such things as stupid questions. Anyone who says otherwise is an imbecile.

Scene: An office. KYKNOORD is seated behind a desk. The telephone rings.

KYKNOORD: Hello?
CONTRACTOR: Uh – I have a query about the tender advertised in the newspaper.
KYKNOORD: Okay.
CONTRACTOR: Ja, so where do we collect the tender documents?
KYKNOORD: At our Cape Town office.
CONTRACTOR: You mean this address in the advert?
KYKNOORD: Yes, immediately after the bit which says “documents may be collected from…”
CONTRACTOR: Ohhhhhhh.

KYKNOORD grits his teeth as another fragment of his soul quietly evaporates.

Curtain

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33 thoughts on “Unable to read media

  1. Maybe they were lonely and just wanted to hear your voice.

    Hey, at least it was a question you could answer… they could have called you to ask if you knew where they put their keys? And then wouldn’t you look stupid.

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  2. It’s clear you have no tender feelings whatsoever towards time-wasters.

    (Unrelated dream sequence: in a dream last night I purchased a red hard hat. Stupid question: if your cartoon was in colour, what colour would the Grasshopper’s hard hat be?)

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  3. KYKNOORD : And which contractor are you representing?
    CONTRACTOR : XYZ Contracting. Why do you ask?
    KYKNOORD : Oh, I just need to know which tenders I can immediately direct to the round file without opening.
    CONTRACTOR : ?!?!?!?
    KYKNOORD : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  4. How do you get people to leave such cool comments?!
    And how would you represent a little bit of your soul evaporating away? Just curious, maybe daisyfae could tell me how she’d do it.
    There is an upside to this scenario, which is very similar to the obvious questions us teachers get, and that is you get to hone your sarcasm. It’s great! YOu should thank them really for the practice.

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  5. Client to me : Thank you I got your email with the policy summary attached
    Me : Oh good. How can I help? (that’s broker speak for what stupid thing are you going to ask me now?)
    Client : Can you tell me what items are insured on my policy
    Me : Uh…. did you read the summary I just took the time and trouble to get and send to you?
    Client : Duh no?
    Me : Sigh….so let’s go through this together…. (thinks you stoopid dickhead how do you find your butt to sit down?)

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  6. you should work in the immigration industry … I have often thought of doing a video – showing in glorious technicolour how a person goes to the cop shop to roll their fingerprints for a police clearance certificate. the amount of times i have to keep repeating myself on this one topic alone is ridiculous. In general, we KNOW that all our clients do not READ anything.

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    • I don’t know why anybody even bothers with fine-print any more. My email footer says, “Oh, you know – legal stuff. Basically, I get all your money if you read this message, okay? I’m undecided about your internal organs at the moment, but I may call for them in the future.” Nobody has noticed.

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  7. Pingback: Questionable questions | the other side of the mountain

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