It’s over 9000!

Actually, it's not.
Our quality manager is a special individual.

A quick look at his CV confirms that the only thing standing between him and unemployment is nepotism. Before he joined the company, our quality system was a bloated behemoth of ball-achingly tedious paperwork. Nevertheless, it was easy to follow and it worked, after a fashion. Sadly, our current “improved” system is a Gordian knot of utter incomprehensibility that even a psychotic weaver bird with a spaghetti fetish would find terrifying.

I have a theory that he constructs elaborate sculptures out of his own faeces and converts these into quality procedures via some bizarre topological algorithm. This may not be the case, but he is definitely full of shit.

Of course, it doesn’t help that he chooses to interact with the rest of us in the most abrasive manner possible. For example, at two minutes to five on Friday afternoon, I received a blank email with an attached document and the words, “Please check” in the subject line.

At five past eight on Monday morning, I received another email (copied to the MD, naturally) containing the following: “I have not received ANY response to the memo I sent out last week!!!!! I assume the lack of comment means that everyone agrees with the propsed (sic) proceedure (sic) revisions so these will now be implemented immediately at once.”

I was mildly disappointed that there weren’t any exclamation marks at the end of the second sentence.

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