Holy acrimony

You know, that whole 'til death us do part' thing is starting to look pretty appealing
My ex-wife wants to come to Cape Town for a holiday in December. Apparently it’s “too expensive” to book into a B&B, so she expects Muggins here to put her up for a fortnight. She believes that if she starts softening me up early, I’ll eventually crack and agree to let her invade my spare room.

Frankly, I would rather die first.

She is the worst house guest in the entire world (well, almost). Ambitious cockroaches study her habits before embarking on any major infestation. I suspect she is possessed by Azfilthyazel, the most senior of Hell’s sloth demons; answerable only to Lucifer himself. The fact that not a single one of her friends is prepared to offer her accommodation – at least, not more than once – suggests that I’m not alone in thinking this.

I have told her over a thousand times (“no, no, a thousand times no!”) that I’m not prepared to have her defile my comfort zone, but she simply refuses to hear my refusals. Every so often I offer a quiet prayer of thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that she doesn’t work in telemarketing.

Not catching a break

from ‘subprime’ to ‘past my prime’
Today’s guest comic+ is by the amazing Anne, who generously agreed to host The Other Side of the Mountain Show from the other side of the Atlantic++. Anne, who previously entertained us via Something Under the Bed is Drooling, moved to New York some time last year and since then seems to have developed a rather – shall we say – grudging approach to her writing. This may or may not be related to her present accommodation difficulties. Nevertheless, I am happy to report to Anne’s fans that she is open to bribery…

+ If you’re thinking that this is simply a way for me to sit on my arse and get someone else to do the work, you’d be absolutely right

++ Are you confused? Tough bananas! No room for weaklings in Africa! Mwahahahahahahaha!