Office Trivial Pursuit

Sharp, stabbing pain in 3, 2, 1 -
You really expect me remember some random detail from a project we archived over ten years ago? I find your abundance of faith disturbing.

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Phonedamental

and then we'll redouble our efforts and work 56 hours a day!
I have a new phone in my office. The old one was fine, but this one is apparently better and will somehow save the company money. I’m not sure how, but I’m afraid to ask in case they get the IT manager to explain it to me. Anyway, it has a shitty display like the old mobile phones used to have ten years ago. It shows me important things I may be in danger of forgetting, like my name and the date. It also lists who called when I was away from my desk. This seems a bit redundant, because we have a receptionist who is employed to do that very thing, but I guess those Angry Birds aren’t going fling themselves.

Recently I’ve been arriving at my desk first thing in the morning to find an accusing “M” on the display telling me that I have a missed call. Inevitably, it’s a “caller identity blocked” number and the details indicate that the person phoned at some insane hour like 5 a.m. Who is this individual? Why is he/she feverishly dialling me at the crack of dawn, expecting an answer? It would be understandable if I worked at a fire station, but I don’t. I attend meetings and produce pie-charts for a living, so I can’t begin to imagine what could be so desperately urgent that it requires my attention outside of office hours.

There is no way this can end well. All that is going to happen is that the phoner is going to get frustrated and I’m going to care a little bit less every day.

So if you are this person, please stop it. Go back to bed. You probably need the sleep.

I want it yesterday, gold plated and free

KABOOM!
The first rule of project management is everything takes longer and costs more. The second rule is if it’s on time and within budget, you’ve probably forgotten something.

The worst part is dealing with clients who won’t play open cards: “I’m thinking of a number, but I won’t tell you what it is. Instead, I will waste your time by insisting on innumerable revisions until I am finally able to accept that my budget is laughably insufficient. Of course, I will hold you personally responsible for this fact. Logic? What’s that? Mwahaha! Mwahahahahahahahaha!”

Anyone need a body-slave? I still have a few good years left in me and I work cheap.

Incidentally, this is my 200th comic. Well done to the stalkers who noticed that without being prompted. If you send your details to FIFA, Sepp Blatter will give you a cookie.