Fear and loathing in 140 characters

Moral rectitude doesn't work either, although it definitely sounds like it should
If you’re like me and regularly find yourself trapped in a room full of corporate drones (aka the Wednesday morning meeting), you may also begin to think that “expanding client interfaces to synergise profit vectors” is a perfectly normal discussion instead of the complete bollocks it actually is. This is the insidious nature of groupthink: it slowly erodes your ability to think critically and you end up being pulled along in the current of consensus. Woe betide the individual who dares to swim against the prevailing direction of the stream, for that wretch will be cast into the pit of non-team players!

A similar phenomenon occurs on Twitter. The hive mind has a low tolerance for dissident opinions. These are crushed with a brutal efficiency that would have given Stalin a raging boner. Regular Twitterers may be forgiven for believing that they are changing the world with the latest hashtag, but that’s to be expected from people who are active participants in an enormous virtual incarnation of the human centipede. The harsh reality is that most people don’t really care too deeply about today’s trending topic. Especially if it involves a Kardashian.

This can be illustrated with the following handy infographic* (and who doesn’t like infographics?):Totally not inspired by Attack on Titan

What this tells us that in a room containing a hundred people, one of them will be standing in the corner fulminating against the Bad Thing du jour. Of the 46 who are actually in a position to do something it, only four of them might be interested enough to pay attention. The rest may possibly catch the odd phrase here and there, but the majority will be too busy counting all the fucks they don’t give.

* Source material:
What do SA’s 24.9 mil internet users spend most of their time doing online?
What Twitter in South Africa looks like
IEC voter registration statistics

Life lessons through interpretive dance

Some messages bear repeating
“We don’t want to send the wrong message to kids.”

ORLY? Why not? Surely it’s a sacred duty? The sooner they learn that the world is a harsh place full of politicians and telemarketers, the sooner they’ll stop expecting cake and embrace coprophagia.

Many thanks and profound apologies to fellow webcomicist Dev for the inspiration.

The dropped ball

It would be great if I turned into the Hulk every time I lost my shit.  Unfortunately, I'm the sort of monster who does psychological damage, not physical
I recently discovered that I had issued the wrong revision of a construction drawing to site. The contractor has already built the affected portion of work, so there will be delays and additional costs while he fixes the cock-up.

The actual amount is negligible – it’s about 0.2% of the total project cost – but when I told the client about it, he started behaving as though he’d caught me enjoying carnal intimacy with his dog in the master bedroom (Hah! As if I would ever get caught!).

I was tasked with compiling the necessary facts and figures relating to “the case”, so that he can – I don’t know – brandish it threateningly and foam at the mouth some more.

There is no doubt that he’s justified in being pissed off, but it seems a tad sadistic to demand that I provide him with the very stick he intends to beat me with.

Everything is awesome!

Being a team player is far more important than not itching
Every year our marketing department circulates a memo encouraging the peons to augment their wardrobes with ghastly new corporate-branded clothing. It’s a rather heavy-handed way of telling us to conform or else.

It wouldn’t be so bad if there was something in the catalogue that I could actually bring myself to wear, but the company “look” essentially involves beige chinos and pale blue polycotton shirts – i.e. the uniform of dead souls.

I don’t think the office is ready for the magnificence of my dragon onesie just yet.