Marital blister

Anyone remember 1982? For several days now I’ve had Don Henley’s song ‘Dirty Laundry’ playing in my head. It’s probably a sign that I’m ready to spill my guts to you – and no, this is not going to be a blow-by-blow account of my attempt to commit Sepukku. And if it was – although I must stress that it isn’t – I hardly think I’d be in a fit state to type afterwards, do you? [discreetly wipes blood off the keyboard]

So, confession time. Where to start? Hmmm… “bless me blogosphere for I have withheld information”, possibly? Damn, this difficult. My wife and I are estranged. Descriptive word, that. It really cuts to the heart of the matter. Pun and ritual disembowelment tie-in very much intended. Ten – actually, it’s very nearly eleven – years quietly fermenting in the crapper ready for the big flush.

It’s a bit like being stalled on a rail crossing while the train bears down on you from a long way off. You desperately try to get the car started, but very soon, you start to feel the tracks vibrating and you begin to wonder if you wouldn’t be better off trying to jump clear before you get crushed. Yup, quite a dilemma and that stupid magic 8-ball is NO help whatsoever.

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36 thoughts on “Marital blister

  1. Oh no, Mr KN, my sincere condolences. I actually thought as much when you did the ‘where be your jibes’ post. Don’t ask why, just call me Psychic Bee. Never easy at end of relationships. Sorry is really all I can think of to say.

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  2. Hang in there, Kyknoord.
    Long, hard experience tells me it’s possible to safe a relationship … and it’s usually worth it! Try again!
    Please (might be a good word coming from a toddler).
    I feel for you!

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  3. You don’t deserve trite comments, so I won’t post any. But just so you know, they’re all whirling in my head right now. And they are making sense.

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  4. You’ve never (as far as i can tell) written anything fun about the missus. I should’ve figured it out…

    Its going to work out for the best Kykie!

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  5. Here’s the thing, once you’ve actually been hit by the train it does get better. Having been thru this I apreciate the analogy. There is more suffering in the aprehension than in the impact. Once the dust clears and you look around and you realize that you are not only still alive but you are no longer on the tracks. You can actually look around and not just in the one direction the train is coming from…

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  6. Sounds like you are going through a tough time. There are all sorts of ways to ending, prolonging or saving a relationship but finding the right way is the difficult bit. Not throwing the towel in right at the beginning is definitely not the right way to go.

    I’m sure you know all this and will ultimately make the right decision.

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  7. whilst i am in no position to comment on your situation from a divorcee point of view, from the childrens point of view, i am. my folks divorced when i was young.

    this is probably going to sound harsh, for that i apologise, but ultimately the truth hurts. bear in mind that i am not judging you, merely giving some insights.

    for the sake of your child, patch things up with your wife. the sprog did not ask to be born and she did not pick her family either. nevertheless she deserves a happy childhood and is going to need parenting from both sexes. if i could pick, i would have picked unhappy parents over the dysfunctional shambles i have now, time and time again. my parents obviously did not feel the same way and i resent them for their selfishness, even today.

    just my 2c…

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  8. Anything I could say you already know so I’ll just sit here half way across the globe, waft positive vibes in your direction, and hope one or two of them reach you. I hope you have someone to talk to that’s a lot more immediate.

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  9. I am really sorry. It must hurt, on so many levels. I hope that whatever the outcome, it is the best possible one for all of you.

    You’re in my thoughts

    Txxx

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  10. Man, I feel so bad for you. I can’t imagine all the confusing thoughts. I have observed some of my friends going through it, and, while I hate wtching it, sometimes life is too short to live in constant conflict. I hope you have all the support you need, whether as a couple or individual. If you need to talk to/scream obscenities at some impartial person, send me an email via my contact form. There is light on the horizon, buddy.

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  11. Many good vibes headed for all of you. I will politely disagree with the commenter who urges you to make things work for the sprog. If you can make things work–wonderful–if you try but cannot the sprog will be better off with parents who aren’t trying to dodge a train. I have been there as well. I wish you the strength to do the hard work that is ahead–no matter what the ultimate outcome may be.

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  12. Damn Kyknoord. You’re in my thoughts.

    You always seem to have such insightful things to say when I’ve got rough times, and now I’m sorry that words deceive me.

    Take care, and I’m hoping for the best for you.

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  13. Holy cow I knew it! Not to be a snide bitch or anything but rather as a compliment. You exude so much of yourself in such a way that is dignified yet very revealing. Not only that but I read all of your archives 😉

    But seriously. I know it sucks in ways that can’t even be described, perhaps the blister will heal? If it is ready to burst I know we’ll all be here for you to read and comment you through it like good blog buds do.

    Wishing you the best and thinking of you.

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  14. Crap. I’m back here an hour later, asking myself how I could have written what I did and praying I didn’t come off as an ass…I meant it with the utmost affection kykn’…

    :::yanks foot out of her mouth:::::

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  15. Sorry to hear it, K. Good luck sorting it all out.
    To anon – hey dude, the grass is always greener… If you’d been raised with warring, unhappy parental units, you might have a totally different take on the situation. Judge not lest ye be judged. Caring parents will only do the very best they can, and I’m betting K & wife are in that category.

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  16. Beastarzmom

    i wasn’t judging kn. in fact i said as much in my comment.

    you are right that i might have a different outlook if my folks had stayed together. but they didn’t and i don’t. i was merely giving insights from the kids perspective and, again, i said as much in my comment.

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  17. Guys – lets stay focused here – KN needs us now. Lets not get into personal discussions here about who said what. You are all a super bunch of people and I think that support, love and thoughts/prayers are all that is needed now.

    Once again KN – I am thinking of you, and much like Zube girl – my words fail me now and I dont know what to say. Silent prayers going up for you…

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  18. it ain’t a jolly situation but one, one must look at logically & take the best decision with. I am with the fact that if a relationship given time & effort to repair does not work, it is best to cut the torture & get a better state of life asap… Cheers mate. Wish U the best to come…

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  19. wow. I admire that you’ve chosen to share. Sorry you are in the middle of such difficulties. I hope you have people around to help you emotionally, and hope you find an amicable solution one way or the other. Good luck to you.

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  20. And when you just feel like a beer with someone totally removed from all of this, you know where to find me.

    Apologies if that sounds neanderthalic, but as important as it is to have supportive friends (and you seem to have loads of those), sometimes you also just need a break from your thoughts and from those who are too close to be objective.

    If that makes sense.

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  21. Bummer Dude, and I mean that in the sincerest way possible. It’s a tough situation and a tough call, but you will get through it, whatever happens.
    As for the Sprog’s point of view, I remember one of my step-children saying once, when talking about The Divorce when they were still quite young, “I’m just glad Mommy and Daddy don’t fight all the time anymore.”
    Good luck.

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  22. Damn, I wondered who had my magic eight ball!? =) You know how I feel; I want the best for you. Sometimes ‘the best’ comes in odd ways.

    If you and FM go for a beer, I’m going to be highly jealous of the both of you!!!

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  23. K-I’m just so sorry. There are no words that express that. I will keep your family in my thoughts. Just know that regardless of what happens, you and your wife will always have this one wonderful child that was created out of love.

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  24. Sorry to hear it.I do not know your situation but I can tell you that I found that getting a divorce after 10 longggg years of marriage was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change it. I am now married for the second time and could not be happier. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. Just letting you know there IS life after divorce.

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  25. I can’t think of anything to say that hasn’t been said already. Just know that I have been there 3 times already and I will not assume to know how you are feeling. My b/f’s children are fortunate to have both their mom and dad in their lives every day. We have found a solution that works and although not always easy for us adults, it works for the kids and that is all that is important. My thoughts are with you.

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  26. I’m usually the last one to find out about things, probably because i’m so sporadic reading my blog feeds lately. Anyway, be strong and remember, time heals all wounds. Good luck.

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  27. Oh dear, I’m sorry. That’s just never easy, no matter the circumstances. Hope all works out best for all involved, and that the scars don’t hurt too much for too long.

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