I’m thinking about starting my own cult. This seems to be a viable alternative to working for a living, because you can make obscene amounts of money without actually having to do anything useful. Kind of like politics, but without the shame. In fact, all that’s really required is for you to be charismatic*.
No real experience is necessary and I’ve had sufficient dealings with hippies to be able to cobble together a sufficiently convincing, albeit completely garbagenous, belief system (hey, just like a real cult!). If I can bribe someone like Moonflake to denounce the undertaking, it will add a much-needed boost to the overall legitimacy of the enterprise. All I need now is a catchy name. I’m thinking of something along the lines of Cayennetology. Geddit? KN-tology? Jeez, tough room.
I already have my first convert. Almost. She just doesn’t realise it yet***. Katt is coming to Cape Town for visit at the end of the month and I have the spare room all kitted out with my indoctrination apparatus. [Note to self: must buy new heater for spare room. Newly-brainwashed cult members will be less likely to break their nakedness programming if temperature is kept optimal].
Anyone wishing to become a Cayennetologist can apply to the usual address, although this time you have to give me ALL your money.
* Yes, I realise that this may be a minor** obstacle, but the market niche I’m mainly aiming at includes minor celebrities who aren’t quite ready to commit to high-profile mainstream cults.