I once dated a girl who was a cyborg.
Ok, almost. More like a pseudo-cyborg. She didn’t have breast-mounted lasers, but she did have a smartphone – one that was always within easy reach, so she could check her Facebook and Twitter accounts at a moment’s notice. You know, in case there was an internet emergency or something. She used to get severely twitchy and anxious whenever she had to step away from the phone for any length of time.
Even in the bedroom, the Series of Tubes called to her. There were many times that my post-coital torpor would be punctured by the sound of fingers furiously tapping away on a tiny keyboard. That is not a euphemism, by the way.
I’m not entirely sure what that says about my capability as a lover, but that’s kind of beside the point… It could go either way, I suppose:
OMG, that was amazing! #exhausted #multipleorgasms; or So bored. I wonder if there’s any humus left in the fridge? #yawn #hungry #unsatisfied,
Anyway, the thing that struck me – apart from the empty humus container – was how much of her life was lived online. I often got the feeling that the things she did were simply status updates in the making, rather than engaging activities in their own right. There were times when she conspicuously absent, even though she was still in the room.
I have seen the future and it has a faraway look in its eyes. And big thumbs.
that reminds me… multple orgasms… is there an app for that?
ps. I’m sorry about your empty humus container. ((hugsforkyk))
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Oh, I’ve moved on since then. I keep avocado dip instead.
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Blimey, if that’s what you had in your fridge I’d be ordering food from an online store straight away… and then I’d write a post about how rubbish the online store was…
Sx
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I’m getting a powerful sense of déjà vu here.
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he … he … he …
I laugh nervously as that is funny but just a wee bit close to home. Right switching my phone off now to spend time with real people.
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I think there’s an app for that.
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This would be funny if it wasn’t so true. If you want some alone time with someone, hide the charger?
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That only works if your partner is a knight.
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i sit here in an airport, with a teeny laptop. six windows are open as i drink beer and kill HOURS before a delayed flight will hopefully get me home. there is an unfinished book in my backpack. hmmm…
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Delayed again? Did you do something to annoy Dr Evil?
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I can’t get infragrante until I’ve looked at Kyk’s blog.
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Hey, me too. I’m kind of narcissistic.
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I am praying that, soon, there will be a great groundswell — a backlash — against technology that will save us all from our stupid selves. People will be sick plastic and seek out flesh. A guy can dream, can’t he?
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Do your dreams feature multi-coloured snakes?
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…sick *of* plastic…
God, I make no sense sometimes.
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Sick *of* plastic? But that changes the meaning altogether!
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I’ve seen mobile phones that look like they’re having an orgasm when they receive a text message. Maybe she likes to feel them when they’re getting one.
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Good point. I’ll ask.
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I have a friend who doesn’t understand the concept that I don’t look at my phone very often. I always forget to carry it with me or discover 3 hrs later someone text me. I have become so dependent on the phone that I can’t even remember peoples phone numbers anymore..nor do I remember my passwords since the computer stores them all.
sad, pathetic lives we lead where we no longer use that part of our brains.
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Brains are so last decade.
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So how big WERE her thumbs?
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Average sized, but you seriously don’t want to get into a thumb-war with her.
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where’s the comic????
(and yes, i did read the tags – I still want the comic dammit)
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The comic’s on backorder, but my unconcious doesn’t deal well with pressure.
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I told you last time…some of us can only *read* pictures!
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Ok, ok, I’ve put the latest comic on this pixel –> .
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weeelll perhaps cybersex can also be exciting? she sounds like a pro
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I never considered that.
Damn.
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A cyborg, a succubus, what next? You do date some unusual women, I’d wait around to read the answer, but my phone just beeped – someone must have posted their latest bowel movement on facebook – byeeee
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Did I ever tell you about the mermaid? Definitely something fishy with that one.
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Yes, but did she dump you in an email?
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No. A bottomless pit.
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And don’t you mean, “where r u?”
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Critics!
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It really is awful. Adam and I will sit next to each other in bed, each playing with his/her computer. And that’s not a euphemism…
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Awww. Cyborg love. How romantic.
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I hate when people text me when I’m in the same room as them. Did you take a vow of silence? I’m RIGHT HERE.
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Short-sighted, maybe?
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You say ‘punctured by the sound of fingers furiously tapping away on a tiny keyboard’ is not a euphemism, but I’m going to do my best to disprove you.
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I look forward to regular progress reports.
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You have to vet for cyborgs before you date them. If they text, or check phone etc while on a date what you do is open the car door and push them out. It’s ok if the car if moving. . they’re cyborgs, they’ll survive.
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Now you tell me.
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I have a steel in my ankle, and I am more attentive to your knees, I could be your cyborg lover
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I should warn you that I look nothing like Sarah Connor.
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I yearn for the day when an electro-magnetic pulse of huge magnitude will render these devices nothing more than useless globs of plastic, silicon and wires. The faraway look on most will then be nothing more than vacant.
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I hear you. Just let me finish this comment…
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But are the thumbs opposable?
~m
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Prehensile.
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It might just be me, but I usually get a combination of the two: “Oh my god that was amazing, I wonder if there’s any humus left in the fridge.”
And this is why I don’t update Facebook.
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Well, don’t keep us in suspense – do you have any humus in the fridge?
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Oh, so THAT was what all those tweets of hers in which she merely typed ‘meh’ were all about, then…
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Undoubtedly.
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You are just as succinct. I don’t know why on earth it didn’t work out between the two of you!
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she couldn’t wait to update her FB status, you couldn’t wait to post on yer blog. Where ARE the similarities?!
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Touché, although in my defence, this post deals with events that took place over a year ago, so that hardly counts as “couldn’t wait”.
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i refreshed the page twice to see if there was a comic. i’m disappointed. #unsatisfied even.
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I went on a driving holiday around NZ and my sister texted at the wheel the whole time. And they have some very steep and curvy roads there! My main memory of the holiday is terror.
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She wants that thing that is 9inches to satisfy her…. what is it called again? oh yes.
An I-Pad.
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HA! You know what they say about big thumbs…
(constant iPhone typos.)
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nice heading – reminds me of something I meant to ask you. Oh. yes.
WherethefuckaaaaayYOU?
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what’s the matter? your arm broken or something?
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Prophetic title, much? Miss your wit.
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I once dated……..yeah, I stopped that to spend more time online. *giggle*
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OK, holidays don’t last this long! OH, wait-mine did!
Seriously, do you have a valid reason for depriving us of the comic?
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Ok, enough already! Where’s the next strip Kyk? It’s been months!
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looks like you fell of “the other side of the mountain”..hope you’re ok and you come back soon.
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uhm… just for the record, i never dated kyknoord.
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Hello? Is there anybody in here?
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Oh no – Not you too! 😦
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“Yes, where are you?” she said belatedly.
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you’re dead, aren’t you?
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Was the title suppose to be prophetic? Because at this point it’s just sad.
The Internet misses you – come back!
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