Price tag

Chitty (may he rot forever in Hell) tagged me on the subject of quirks. I have numerous idiosyncrasies, but since many of them aren’t particularly entertaining, I thought I would focus on one of them which may be vaguely interesting:

I detest being accosted by an assistant when I go into a shop. Whenever I hear the words “Can I help you?” (or whichever variation is currently dictated by store policy), the bottom drops out of my tolerance reserve. It is all I can do to bite back responses like “No, you’re too f*cking ugly!” or “Okay. Take off all your clothes and give me your wallet”.

If I needed help I’d ask, dammit! Isn’t that why they give you a little counter to stand behind and a shiny badge that says ‘HELLO MY NAME IS …’? Doesn’t my stern demeanour and determined walk clue you in to the fact that I probably don’t need (and definitely don’t want) your help? Why don’t you ask the lost soul drifting from shelf to shelf with a vacuous expression plastered across his stupid face whether HE wants help? Oh, hang on – that’s the manager.

This is why it usually takes me a lot longer to shop than is strictly necessary. If I see a group of store assistants circling hungrily just inside the door of a shop, I will usually walk on past rather than run the gauntlet. When I finally gather the strength to go in, my mind is so occupied with the business of censoring the things I really, really want to say, that I have to keep reminding myself what the hell it was that I went in to buy in the first place.


18 thoughts on “Price tag

  1. I actually feel like I am rotting in hell today, so your wish has been granted. ๐Ÿ™‚
    As you prolly gathered from my two posts I am not exactly a happy chap.
    A well expressed entry… made me laugh a whole lot.


  2. See, now, I’m never going to think of “no, thanks, just browsing” and will always want to reply “Okay. Take off all your clothes and give me your wallet”. Thanks, kyknoord.


  3. Rather than detesting shop assistants, I live in fear of them. They’re scarey people always make me feel like a frump or idiot!

    Saw you had an accident (would it be rude to admit you had me in fits of laughter?) hope you’re feeling better now :o)


  4. Hi I popped over here because andrea was clearing your karma too…

    and what do I find but that you’ve just stolen my posting! I swear I was just about to write about those shop assistants too…

    I was out shopping today and my favourite shop was unenterable…

    But I didn’t think this was a quirk – its just natural surely??


  5. I was secretly hoping you were going to tell us what toenail polish colour you prefer as one of your quirks, but I can see that the shop assistants (or is it “sales associates”? ๐Ÿ™‚ have forced you to avoid the cosmetics dept. You can shop on-line, though.


  6. Oh I’m so with you on that, I can’t stand when they come up to you. Can I help you, can I help you… No F**K off is all I want to say.

    If I need help, I’ll ask.

    The worst is when they come up to you say can I help you then toss in the fact that they don’t work on commission.



  7. Well there’s just no happy medim is there? Here in Ireland all the shop assistants behave as if you’re just encroaching on their gossiping time if you dare approach them to ask them a question. Send some of them over here to teach the locals about service pleeeeeez?!


  8. Andrea’s right about shopping online as an option. I do just about all of my non-grocery shopping online. It’s easier, and I can do it naked.


  9. Funny you should bring this up today: I wrote about some tard I had the misfortune of dealing with at the grocery store. All shopping should be online. Seriously. The lass I see of the human race, the better.

    “Take off all your clothes and give me your wallet!” BA HA HA HA HA HA! I’m going to use that line sometime, just to see the expression it brings on.


  10. Sales clerk: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “No.”

    Sales clerk: “Is there something in particular you were looking for?”

    Me: “Didn’t I just say ‘no’? When I said ‘no’ I meant that 90% of the time I’m offered assistance, I leave empty handed. If I can’t find what I’m looking for in your store, then neither can you.”


  11. That’s one of the reasons I hate shopping so much. If they would just stay away until I want to make my purchase, I’d be happier. Maybe that’s why the idea of catalogue/internet shopping is so appealing.


  12. This has to be one of the most common universal complaints of the 21st century (aside from the important stuff of course) but these bastards just don’t seem to get it!


  13. I feel the SAME way! Whenever I shop, I kind of scurry about avoiding eye contact, and become so preoccupied with that, I forget to buy anything.

    I HATE salespeople!


  14. Shopping! Shopping! – someone say something about shopping! I can go shopping – I dont even hear the “shop assistants” – they dont put me off.

    tetliql – well – use your imagination…


  15. chitty: Impulsive of me – sorry. I hope things improve.

    anne: The pleasure is all mine ๐Ÿ™‚

    paintingchef: I know. I’m always bursting to ask, “Do you have anything that isn’t crap?”

    jona: Much better now, thank you.

    caroline: This is a subject that can’t be contained by just one blog. We need to spread the word.

    andrea: I suppose it all depends whether you mean the colour I prefer on me, or the colour I like to see on other people’s toenails.

    lex: I’m beginning to realise that this isn’t so much a quirk as a fairly common viewpoint.

    terri: The only happy medium is one who’s included some weed in her home-made green tea mix.

    jj: Naked? Do I have your wallet, by any chance?

    shizgirl: Online is okay, but takes a bit long if you want to try things on.

    bryan: Yup. They put the ‘ass’ in assistance.

    livewire: I agree. I’m much happier when I’m being tailed at a discreet distance by stor security.

    tj: “…aside from the important stuff…” True enough, but the Devil’s in the details.

    juliana: I usually try to be very polite. I hate being forcibly ejected from a shop.

    zube girl: I find frowning a lot seems to help.

    banquo: You’re just trying to make us all jealous, aren’t you?


  16. I so did this same tag a few days ago . . . check it out and let me know what you think.

    Ben O.

    I wonder how long it takes a good tag to travel around the internet and make it back to the creator.


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