Ali Baba and the 40 Lawyers

I am depressed. Again. I am amazed at how a relatively small thing can send me over the edge. Talking to my wife seems to do it rather effectively.

I had to phone her the other day to sort out a few details and find out why there’s been no response from her attorney regarding the settlement. It turns out that even though she was happy with the revised offer, her lawyer advised her not to accept it. Apparently he’s “troubled” by it. Yeah right. Troubled that he doesn’t seem to be earning enough from our divorce to pay the instalments on his shiny new BMW.

Doesn’t he have an ambulance to chase or something?

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20 thoughts on “Ali Baba and the 40 Lawyers

  1. Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
    A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

    Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
    A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

    Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
    A: His lips are moving.

    Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
    A: Just say, “Fees!”

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  2. They now how to suck the last penny out of a person. The more she gets the more he makes probably the stinking skunk. Thats why I dont want to get married. I feel for you. I think its not fair.

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  3. Katt: Unlikely. You seldom find fleas on reptiles.

    Reluctant Nomad:
    Q: What do you call it when they line a hundred lawyers up against the wall and shoot them?
    A: A start

    whatalotoffun:
    Q: What’s the difference between vampire and a lawyer?
    A: Vampires work at night

    anne: Now that’s a cheerful image. I feel better already.

    Caroline: Yes, God forbid that we should settle this amicably.

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  4. It is not unheard of to find ticks on snakes… Snakes are reptiles, ticks are just as annoying as fleas…

    Couldn’t we ask some camel fleas nicely if they would relocate to his private bits? It would have to be fleas with low standards though.

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  5. Aaah… yes. Lawy… I mean LIARS (surely it’s no coincidence that those two little words sound sooo much alike?).

    I don’t know if it will make you feel ANY better to hear someone else’s why-I-hate-those-scum-suckers-who-pretend-to-care story, but remember why I had to recently “divorce” the U.S.? Because my Immigration Liar took $5,000 (plus who knows how much… because I stopped counting at 5 grand) to handle my Green Card case and five years later I found out that she had taken all my cash WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING FOR ME.

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  6. They’re all blood sucking scum.

    I actually know one personally though. She is lovely and not blood sucking scum at all.

    Maybe you just got one of the other 99.999999999%.

    Unlucky.

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  7. Its such a hard time for you and I hate when lawyers don’t do whats best for their clients, they have their own not so hidden agendas. One of my favourite stories was when my in-laws were getting divorced, my father-in-law fired my mother-in-laws attorney as he was shortchanging her, (my f-i-l) ended up giving her a better deal then the lawyer was going to. he just no longer wanted to be married to her and did noit want to beat her down. Wish more lawyers would step aside and let their clients settle it amicably.

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  8. Katt: Very low standards.

    red: Apart from make the decision to return that little bit easier.

    Flo: Must’ve done. Better luck next time in the Lawyer Lotto.

    Tammy: But that would be logical

    Brian: The shallow end of the gene pool, hmm?

    The Phoenix: But of course.

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  9. My ex and I are settling our divorce amicably WITHOUT lawyers.

    So far it’s taken almost 2 years!!

    The courts are SOOOOO slow when you don’t use a lawyer.

    I still don’t think they are worth the air they breathe, never mind their fees!

    (Word verification – and I’m not making this up – robual: rob you all!!)

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  10. Sheesh! It is a world gone mad. Good luck!

    I just posted photos from a museum visit… come by, get lost at my place.
    Drink the water ; )

    SMooch,
    The Tart

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  11. …or that yacht parked down in the Bahamas! Last year our lawyers had the gaul to send out one of those annual newsletters which was chock full of bragging about all the recent aquisitions the firm made, including…yes… a yacht in St Croix.

    Blood sucking scum lawyers! They’re fun to hate, until you actually need one.

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  12. Now I know what it feels like to be the only kid in the playground that no-one likes. I think I may have once acted for Flo.

    Litigation Lawyers get everything they deserve. I’m non-contentious and work on a fixed no sale, no fee basis. Now will someone please play with me

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